Who needs a good giggle today? Because we’ve found 28 incredibly short and simple jokes that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. Seriously, these will make you laugh more than that video of the cat who’s scared of cucumbers!
1. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo. One’s really heavy, the other’s a little lighter!
2. The other day Jill purchased the worst thesaurus in the world. Not only was it terrible, it was terrible.
3. My sister bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a car made out of spaghetti. Well, you should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
4. A guy walked into a bar and ordered a fruit punch. When the bartender replied he said ‘If you want this fruit punch, you’re going to have to stand in the line.’ But when the man looked around he realised there was no punch line.
5. If you’re ever feeling chilly, it actually helps if you go stand in the corner for a while. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
6. I told my girlfriend she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised!
7. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on it’s own? The reason? Because it was two tired.
8. Somebody let one rip in an Apple store and the entire place smelt awful. I guess it didn’t help that there were no Windows to be found.
9. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? ‘Aye matey!’
10. The wizard said to the man, come forth and I shall grant you eternal life. But the man came fifth and won a toaster instead. I wonder what the guy who came in first got!
11. What do you call a French man wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope!
12. What do you think was a more important invention than that of the first telephone? Well it would probably have to be the invention of the second one. The first one would be pretty useless without the second.
13. What do you call a nun who happens to be sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic. Just make sure you don’t wake her up!
14. This guy bought his friend an elephant to put in his room. When the friend thanked him he told him not to mention it.
15. Two men are in a forest on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the other, ‘I need your help to get me to the other side of this river!’ to which the second man replied, ‘You are at the other side!’
16. I know a guy who has the heart of a lion, and also a lifelong ban from the local zoo.
17. Most people are usually pretty good at understanding puns. But it’s kind of hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac because they are always taking things literally.
18. When the farmer asked his worker to help him round up the 37 sheep, the worked scratched his head and said ‘Round up? That’s 40. You’re welcome!’
19. A woman asked her husband to go to the store and buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs to buy a dozen. When the husband returns with with 12 loaves of bread he explained that they had eggs so he got a dozen loaves. Just like she said.
20. Two men walk into a bar. You figure one of them might have seen it. But now unfortunately they both have bruises on their foreheads.
21. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee way before it was cool.
22. Did you hear about the two antennas who got married? The ceremony was absolutely beautiful but the reception was amazing!
23. Why did the poor old man fall in the well? He fell in because he simply could not see that well.
24. Can you name something that is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
25. Guy: You know, it’s at moments like these where I wish I had been listening to what my mother has always been trying to tell me. Girl: What did she say? Guy: I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.
26. How come even though they have the name Koala bear, they aren’t actually bears? It’s because they don’t meet the koalafications.
27. Do you know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws? No, it doesn’t have anything to do with family relation, the difference is that outlaws are wanted.
28. Did you hear about the two guys who got caught stealing a calendar? They both got six months!
What’s the funniest one liner you know? Share it in the comments and share this post with your friends and family!