Life with kids can be a total dream, you love your little ones with all your heart and you wouldn’t change them for the world. But then again, sometimes it can be a freakin’ nightmare too and all parents relate! Those nightmare moments speak to all of us, which is why you’ll find these nineteen tweets about life with kids totally hilarious. Trust me, we’ve been in the same place as these Twitter parents!
1. Hey Mom, wanna hear a joke?
If you laugh at a kid’s joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.
— rob fee (@robfee) April 22, 2017
Wanna hear a joke? Wanna hear a joke? WANNA HEAR A JOKE?!
2. Parents just can’t win!
Me: *picks her up*
1: *screams louder*
Me: *puts her down*
1: *screams louder*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 7, 2017
Why are you screaming? Why won’t you stop screaming? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
3. You really don’t want to know the answer to this one, sweetie.
7: [from bed] MOM!
Me: *pauses movie*
7: WHAT DOES LIGHTNING TASTE LIKE?
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 27, 2017
The answer is just shocking!
4. Every time. Every single time.
Do you have to go to the bathroom?
How about now?
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
— Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) July 9, 2016
I don’t think I’ve ever been to the movies with my kids without this happening at least once.
5. Unfortunately, you might never grow out of it kid
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you’re on a conference call and cry “I accidentally peed in the wrong place”
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
I’ve peed in the wrong place a few times after a bottle of wine or two!
6. They never really learn what privacy means, do they?
3yo: *follows me into bathroom*
Me: “Privacy, please”
3yo: “Oh, right” *closes door*
“Now we have privacy, Mommy”
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) May 25, 2016
Well, not until they’re teenagers, then you’re lucky if you see them for half an hour every day!
7. If anyone ever asks me why again I’ll lose my mind!
Me: Let’s go to the store.
5 yo: Why?
M: For food.
M: So we can eat.
M: To stay alive.
M: I have no idea.
— Jackie BOOvier (@jackiembouvier) January 19, 2017
Why?! I’ll freakin’ tell you why!
8. This is the real never ending story
Any story told by a 7 year old is technically a nightmare because you don’t know when it will end.
— When A Stranger Mehs (@TheAlexNevil) April 27, 2017
I swear you started this story when you were still in the womb!
9. Sleep? I haven’t slept since 1982…
I tucked my kids in last night and said, “See you in the morning!” and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.
— Ashes to ashes (@adult_mom) March 9, 2016
I remember what sleep was like. It was magical. Completely magical.
10. Well, that always has been a dream of mine!
probably the most valid reason to have a kid is if you ever wanted to watch another person take 2 hours to eat 5 apple slices
— bela lugosi’s beth? (@bourgeoisalien) November 9, 2015
I think my kid is ready for the World’s Slowest Apple Eating Contest that’s happening in Germany next year!
11. There’s no middle ground with these kids!
ME: How are you?
ME: Are you still alive?
ME: I can cut off your phone
CS: Hi Ma love u
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) February 14, 2016
They either want your attention 24/7, 365 days a year, or they just want to forget you exist at all!
12. The logic is unbelievable!
My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can’t go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 16, 2016
I mean, how’s he going to feel when he jumps into the pool and realises that he’s gotten his whole bathing suit wet?
13. This was a terrible idea and I can’t believe this Mom fell for it
My kids wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas-little did I know it would be for yelling in the mic “CAN WE HAVE A SNACK” when I’m upstairs.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) January 27, 2016
Giving your kids a way to be louder? No thanks, count me out!
14. This kid’s gonna be on Saturday Night Live one day
I’d like to share a joke with you that my 2yo nephew told me.
2yo: Knock knock.
Me: Who’s there?
2yo: I don’t know.
— Sarah del Evil (@sarahdelri0) August 9, 2015
A comedic genius in the making, I just know it!
15. You’ll never have an adult conversation ever again
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 2, 2017
Remember those nights when you used to talk for hours all night long… Now you can’t finish a sentence without getting interrupted.
16. The times they are a-changin’
When I was a kid I had to say “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” My son just threatened to call 911 because I’m making him eat a hotdog.
— eric (@ericsshadow) August 2, 2016
Part of me wants him to do it so 911 will laugh at him, the other part is terrified that they’ll take him seriously.
17. Raising strong independent women is important
1day I’ll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store
— ?Spookpants Cher? (@House_Feminist) August 31, 2015
But not when they’re throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store.
18. The question every parent dreads hearing
3YO: “How do babies get out of bellies?”
ME: “Look! Ice cream!”
*5 min later*
3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: “How do babies get out of be—”
— hannahannahannah (@MUMSIEesq) June 22, 2016
The problem is that you didn’t give your kid enough ice cream. You have to give them enough to occupy them until they forgot the question entirely!
19. Looks like the screens are there for a reason
I took my kids’ screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around
— ?Spookpants Cher? (@House_Feminist) January 22, 2017
You won’t be making that mistake ever again!
What’s the funniest parenting tweet you’ve ever seen? Do you have a good joke about being a parent? Let us know in the comments and don’t forget to share this article with your family and friends!